I feel like this past week was one of those where my kids experienced one parenting fail after another. Sad thing is, I am not even sure what I should have done differently to make it a more successful week of mothering. I wish that I could blame the week - and my behavior- on John's extra long work hours, or tired kids, or a myriad of other things. Unfortunately, I know too well that I am the one responsible for my actions, no matter the circumstances.
Part of the reason for my feelings of failure is my inability to know what one child in particular needs right now. She has been very sad lately. She has also been acting in a way that tells me she wants/needs extra attention. She has been complaining of stomach aches (mostly at bed time), hitting, kicking, yelling. She is happy when she gets the one on one time she wants. Unfortunately, I can't give her 100% of my time every day. I am at a total loss about how to help her find happiness when the situation maybe isn't what she wants.
I am not ashamed to say I need help, or at least some sage advice.
All that being said, I know I have a very kind and merciful Heavenly Father who is watching over me and my children. As long as I look to Him I won't fail my children. At least not when all is said and done. In the mean time, I hope that their resiliency and the other amazing adults in their life will make up for what I lack.
Laura, I have one like that. Just never happy, always angry at someone and acting out on those feelings. We tried charts, reward systems, you name it, we tried it. I finally had one of those moments where I fell to my knees in desperation because this had been going on for several years and it was looking like it wasn't just "a phase". I pleaded with God to help me know what to do. I immediately heard a calm voice say: "Just love him". (why it is that he chooses to answer when I'm crying and pleading.... I guess he wanted me to get to that point of REALLY needing Him). So we dropped all the reward/consequence systems, (that only occasionally worked) and I just made a special effort to really listen to my son and love him unconditionally and just spend more time with him letting HIM talk and doing a few extra things with him. I felt bad for giving him more attention than to the other kids but my mom assured me that the other kids with be "just fine". They are doing all right. I needed to focus on my sons relationship with me. I can honestly say, it has made ALL the difference in the world. He's not perfect (no child is), but he has turned around so much and is so much more respectful and happy because he feels needed and loved and cared about. Sorry about this long rant. I don't know if it will help in this situation, but I thought I would share.
ReplyDeleteCall me sometime and I'll give you a pep talk. Since I'm seeing my teens thrive despite all my mistakes, I have increased confidence that what I do has limited impact on who they become--thank goodness. I believe strongly in being patient as they go through their (and I go through my) phases.--Melanie Gubler
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