On January 6th, 2015, I gave birth to this little angel. Unlike any of her siblings, she kept us waiting and arrived 2 days past her due date. At birth she weighed 8 lbs 4 oz and was 21 1/2" long. John was excited to finally have a baby that was over 8 pounds. He likes to tell me that this is "his" baby. In all fairness, he was the one that encouraged me to have another, he also chose her name and she does have his blue eye and a dimple in her left cheek -just like daddy.

On January 6th, 2015, I gave birth to this little angel. Unlike any of her siblings, she kept us waiting and arrived 2 days past her due date. At birth she weighed 8 lbs 4 oz and was 21 1/2" long. John was excited to finally have a baby that was over 8 pounds. He likes to tell me that this is "his" baby. In all fairness, he was the one that encouraged me to have another, he also chose her name and she does have his blue eye and a dimple in her left cheek -just like daddy.

His will, not mine

It is hard to believe that just two weeks ago I gave birth to our 8th child. Anyone that knew me as a kid would testify to the fact that I was the person they would have least expected to have a large family. I didn't want anything to do with cooking, cleaning or taking care of children. I would often say that I wanted to marry "Mr. Mom." Thankfully, Heavenly Father's plan is always greater than our own.

If there is one thing that I have learned over the 13 years I have been a mother, it is that as I bend my will to that of our Father in Heaven I am always blessed with much more than I ever would have imagined or hoped for myself.

After having our 3rd child, I thought that I would be done having children after the 4th. I didn't think I could handle more than 4 and felt like that was a plenty big family. Obviously, Heavenly Father had other plans. He gently reminded me that He is in control by skipping right past 4 and giving us numbers 4 &5 at the same time. I felt sufficiently reprimanded by this, not so subtle, reminder that He has a plan and I had neglected to counsel with him in my own planning.

Fast forward 7 years and here I am with double the number of children I thought was ideal. Each of the last 4 pregnancies have stretched and grown my faith in Heavenly Father. Each has come with their own struggles, my own feelings of self-doubt - How can I meet the emotional, physical, spiritual needs of so many children? Each time I have been faced with different fears. And, each time I have had to approach Heavenly Father with increasing amounts of humility begging for my faith to be strengthened and my fears to subside.

My greatest fear this last time was facing the excruciating pain of labor and delivery. Having had a c-section with the twins my options for childbirth were greatly limited. I couldn't find a doctor that I was comfortable with that was willing to do a VBAC in the hospital. So, unless I wanted another c-section and the lengthy recovery that comes with it, my best option was to have Liam at a birthing center with no pain medication whatsoever. I gave birth to both Solaine and Sariah naturally and know well the pain that comes with delivery. For some reason this time around I could not stop dwelling on the fear of facing that pain again. I searched and searched for an option that would give me access to some sort of pain relief. However, I felt good about none of them. Eventually, I gave up looking and began praying for strength and faith necessary to put aside my fears.

As I prayed and sought peace, I was reminded that I was following Heavenly Father's will and therefore would be blessed. I was also reminded that often those blessings come "in the very hour" that they are needed. I desperately wanted to feel at peace but knew that it may not come until that "very hour". As I searched the scriptures and words of the prophets I came across this quote, "When we are uncertain of the path ahead, we fill up our hearts with faith, go forward into the unknown, and stop and pray again and again."

I pondered these words and was reminded of the atonement of Christ. Specifically, I was reminded of Matthew 26:39 "And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." But the unimaginable pain, the responsibility of taking our sins upon him was not taken from Christ because Heavenly Father knew there was a greater purpose that needed to be accomplished.

How desperately I wanted to the pains of labor to be taken from me, but I knew they wouldn't be. In the end, I knew that having this baby join our family was a blessing worth any price. Heavenly Father had helped me to understand, to see clearly that while the pain (as excruciating as it may be) would be temporary the blessings - the countless blessings - would be eternal. Through my fear He helped me to greater appreciate the atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Through my fear, He helped me to strengthen my personal relationship with Him. And, in the end, the pain was not taken from me but literally in the very hour it was needed, peace and strength, a strength that was not my own,  were given to me to get past the pain.

I am grateful that Heavenly Father knows us, that he has a plan for us that is a million times better than our own plan. I am grateful that he patiently takes my hand and waits for me to willingly bend my will to be in line with His. My cup runneth over and my life is much more because of Him.